To this day, I still struggle with memories from this time.  Separating what was real from what I made up in my mind is something that I still struggle with almost daily.  I keep thinking that one day it will just “click”, but no such luck.

Some memories that I have are so very clear to me….they did not happen.  In my mind, I can remember them like yesterday.  It is very disturbing and very hard to explain but I am going to try.

I remember that people were getting to swim with the Disney princesses and I wanted to swim them soooo bad.   They told me that I had to be able to walk with my stander, which is a platform that you basically support your whole body with that has four wheels, and get back to my room to be able to go.  I remember that damn stander and the grueling task of trying to walk again.  I remember them still telling me no, that I could not swim with the princesses.  I did actually call my husband on this day and let him know that I needed to come home because they were mean and lying to me.  He told me I had to get stronger before I could come home.  I was devastated and hurt.

I know that part of that memory about trying to learn to walk again is real.  Obviously the rest is not, but I still remember it like it was yesterday.

While in my coma, I also traveled to Florida, Hawaii, back home, in airplanes, apartments, outside and in all of these memories my husband or mother were with me and they were asleep.  I would try and try to wake them up to talk to me but they just kept sleeping.  

I believe that those memories were me trying to wake up but I am not 100% sure.  I may write more on this later…..it is still very difficult to remember.