Rough times

I think that the hardest thing for me to answer is, “How are you feeling?”  I usually just say fine as it is the easiest way to answer.  There are good and bad parts of every single day heath wise, some have more good and some have more bad.  I have accepted that is the way that my life is and again, sometimes its ok and others not.

Things that make me grateful…Number one on this list is that my children are healthy.  I have always asked God to keep my children and my husband healthy and I will endure any struggle that I have to face.  I know and know of so many people that have children with chronic, life threatening illnesses as well as people that have children with cancer.  My sister had cancer when she was 10 months old and had to have her kidney and adrenal gland removed and radiation.  Fortunately she is now 48 and has never had any other major health problems.  I marvel at the strength that my parents had to have at that time and the fear that they had to have felt.  I pray daily for all of children that are ill, as well as their families because trust me, no one is sick alone.

I know that my illnesses have caused a lot of stress and fear for my children, husband and family over the years.  The crappiest part of it is that I can do nothing about it.  All I can do is try my best to be healthy and always be honest with them about my situation.

So…the last few days have been pretty rough.  I am having a lot more pain and trouble eating again.  I am hoping that it is just a fluke and will pass.  If not, I will mention when I am at the Dr next.  The weather is also changing here and my fibromyalgia is flaring up pretty bad.  Fortunately, my appointments for the moment seem to be getting further apart.  This is awesome as I hate going to appointments, but also a reality check that this is as good as it gets as well.

I can totally survive with the quality of life that I have now.  I still deal with a lot of guilt for not being able to work anymore but I am dealing with it.  I am also still dealing with a lot of anxiety as well.  It seems to come and go with no real rhyme or reason.


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